Guest speaker shares relationship advice for neurodiverse adults at Chabad talk

There’s a certain magic to human connection,” shared Rabbi Yisroel Bernath at an online fireside chat entitled “Secrets to Love and Friendship for Neurodiverse Singles.” It was hosted by Chabad NDG in February 2025. “It gives meaning and hope to our lives, but navigating relationships can be complicated – especially if you don’t understand the rules.

Bernath was joined by California-based friendship and dating coach Jeremy Hamburgh, founder of My Best Social Life, and his wife Ilana Hamburgh, its educational director. The organization guides members of the neurodiverse community in building meaningful connections.

When asked what brought them to the event, one participant wrote, “I have Aspergers. People pick up on it and are turned off by that. They don’t want to take the chance to understand me.” This sentiment was echoed by others who added they struggle with small talk and social anxiety.

Jeremy reflected that many of their clients have difficulty meeting others. Social conventions can be bewildering; individuals stray from the expected script, and nuances can be missed or misinterpreted.

Bernath, locally known as Montreal's Love Rabbi, shared a story of a dating mishap: A neurodiverse individual emailed a woman his calendar to “book” a date. “It was very logical and timesaving on his end,” he observed, “but ran afoul of a social norm he was probably unaware of.”

While not neurodiverse themselves, on their website, Jeremy and Ilana say they have developed a finesse in “decoding social situations.”

One trick they endorse for meeting others and keeping a conversation going is building up a “mental library” of interesting anecdotes as opposed to factual responses. “Answering literally shuts down the dialogue, and it becomes more of an uncomfortable interview,” explained Jeremy. A well-stocked mental library can ease the stress of spontaneity.

In spite of the myriad of dating apps available, Jeremy observed how loneliness is at an all-time high. “Everyone thought online dating was going to be the answer for neurodiverse people. ‘I don’t have to make eye contact! I get to write the questions and answers!’” However, he personally does not advocate using them due to the endless hidden social rules. Instead, he advises, “Go out in the real world and be the best version of yourself.”

My Best Social Life does not try to conform neurodiverse individuals into mainstream societal expectations. Instead, it seeks to share “secrets that transform autism and neurodivergence into an advantage so you can quickly make friends, land dates and… live the social life you deserve.”